Long Term Financial Consequences of Divorce

s you may already know, June is the most popular month in this country for weddings. So now that the marrying month is almost over, I thought it might be a good idea to turn the focus to - what else? - divorce!

I don't mean to be a downer about it, but the reality is, the divorce rate in America has hovered pretty close to the 50% mark for years now. And while there are lots of financial (not to mention emotional) complexities related to divorce, financial planners say one of the most common mistakes people make after getting un-hitched is simply failing to update the beneficiary forms on their retirement accounts.

And that can lead to all kinds of unintended financial consequences years, or even decades, down the road.

Here's why: if you get divorced, you'll probably make a point of updating your will to exclude your ex-spouse. But what you may not realize is that your will has no bearing whatsoever on who inherits any money sitting in your qualified retirement accounts - including an IRA, 401(k), 403(b) or traditional company pension plan - at the time of your death.

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black money,african american money,black love,black relationships

Black Money, Black Love, Black Families: Financially Fit Divorce?

I just saw an article today on "How to Leave Your Husband". The article focuses on how women can have a financially fit divorce. I find it amazing that we have gotten to the point that these are the kinds of articles that appear on the front pages of major media outlets. This speaks well to the state of love in America.

The article also seems to imply that beyond the 50% of all Americans who end up in divorce, there are many others who would be divorced if only they could find a way to get it done efficiently. Since when did the bliss of love make us so unhappy?

When I wrote Financial Lovemaking 101, one of the objectives I had in this book was to teach couples how to be jointly responsible when it comes to money. The truth of the matter is that being financially smart and responsible also increases your ability to be financially independent. Therefore, one might conclude that if you end up as one of the millions of Americans who chooses divorce, you might be able to erase your mistake without destroying your bank account.

I once counseled a couple that was nearing retirement. The couple had modest resources, but the wife was quite determined. Over a period of 10 years, she worked overtime and saved her butt off to pay off the family's credit card debt. She also looked into retirement plans on her job, putting thousands into a 401k plan to prepare for the family's golden years. Her husband had other plans. Without his wife's knowledge, he maxed out all the credit cards to start a business. He then withdrew all of the family funds from the retirement plan. The business failed, and his wife was in tears. She wanted to leave her husband, but she was financially drained. What's worse is that staying with her spouse would not have made her any more financially secure.

The reality is that money and love are linked in ways that we never envisioned on that first date. A person's beauty, body shape, and quality of sex become secondary to how well they pay the mortgage and put food on the table. Then, when we find that the love is gone and we want to move on, money becomes the barrier between freedom and misery. Planning ahead financially can be the way to plan your escape route, if that is what you choose to do.

The irony of it all, however, is that being financially intelligent and responsible reduces one major source of conflict in your marriage. It also allows you to make a stronger contribution to the overall well-being of your family. Therefore, by being financially intelligent and independent, you are more likely to have a successful marriage. Kind of paradoxical, don't you think?

I don't judge those who get divorced, never get married or are trying to get divorced. I only say that whatever you do, make sure you do it right. Your love depends on it, and so does your LIFE.

Black Love, Black Money, Black Relationships: When It's "Cheaper to Keep Her" in Your Black Marriage

Black love can be a wonderful thing, except for when it goes wrong. I am sure some of you have seen the typical “unhappy couple”. You know who they are: they may pretend that their marriage is wonderful on the outside, but there are a pile of scandalous secrets behind closed doors. The secrets may involve hidden bank accounts, secret gay lovers, or perhaps even some nasty abuse. Some even think they represent the best that black love has to offer, but every now and then, you get to witness tiny hints of an unfulfilled existence. You then realize that if there ever was a couple that needed to be divorced, it’s this one. So, you continue to witness their agony, wondering deep down why they don’t just call Dr. Kervorkian and have him put their marriage out of its misery. Actually, ending their marriage might end your own misery as well.

When you finally muster up the courage to ask your buddy why he doesn’t go ahead and pull out the marital machete, he gives you the words you’ve heard in so many bar room jokes, “it’s cheaper to keep her”. While these statements are stereotypically from men, you hear more and more women saying the same thing these days. You may also hear your friend tell you that he/she can’t afford to lose the financial support provided by their spouse. Either way, you feel sorry for the couple, because they’ve made one clear admission: “Whatever I have in my bank account is worth far more than my personal happiness.” That is what I would call bad Financial Lovemaking.

If our emotional fulfillment was suddenly converted into money, many of us would be bankrupt. However, there are many people in third world countries who are filthy rich with life satisfaction. This doesn’t understate the significance of their financial hurdles, but it does remind us that money, if not used as a tool to pursue happiness, can ultimately become a barrier to personal joy.

One of the trappings of a capitalist society is that we are taught that money is the ends, rather than the means. Money is a tool to enhance your life and your relationships, it should not be the reason you are in the relationship in the first place. That’s like buying a new car just so you can get the radio.

If I were given a choice between being dirt poor and happy vs. filthy rich and miserable, I would surely choose the dirt. You see, a person who endures unhappiness in order to protect his wealth is missing the point. The goal of money is to make you happy. So, using money as an excuse to not pursue happiness in your life is like saying “I am going to starve to death because I really want to stay in this restaurant.” If the restaurant isn’t feeding you, you might want to consider eating someplace else. That might be an example of good Financial Lovemaking, since part of the Financial Lovemaking process is getting comfortable with your own relationship with money.

I am not an advocate of divorce in black marriage, nor do I judge those who’ve made the decision to split. But I can say that if you have no ideological problems with divorce, and money is your only reason for not going through with it, it might make sense to reconsider your priorities. If happiness and money were put on a scale next to one another, love would be the 3,000 pound elephant and money would be the 2 ounce cricket. All choices in the black love and money balance should lead to short or long-term satisfaction, there really is no other way to say it.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.” For more information, please visit www.financiallovemaking.net.